Flashes of Panic

I’ve only mentioned graduate school applications in passing, lately, but there has been a lot going on in that area.

Back in the fall, when I was frustrated with the holding pattern, I sent an application to the one program on my list which allows students to start in the spring semester. Has anyone ever told you, “Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it?” Earlier this month, they accepted me, and I discovered that while I (still) can easily see them as a good choice, I wasn’t ready to deal with such a telescoped time frame (at best, six weeks between the offer and the start of classes. And many more complications, which I won’t detail here.)

So, with mixed feelings, I asked them to defer until the fall. They haven’t confirmed that yet, which makes me very nervous about the whole situation, but aside from politely nagging them, there’s not much I can do, right now. I know, other people would love to have my problems.

I revised my list of schools (having one acceptance in my pocket (hopefully) made me slightly less cautious about programs,) and I’ve sent two of the four remaining applications. I have only one more recommendation letter to ask for and two which are requested but haven’t come back, all for one application; all the transcripts are in, and the résumé and “statement of purpose” have already been polished and used a few times, so they only need final molding to the requirements of the relevant applications.

I have, belatedly, become a fan of the online application; aside from transcripts and letters, I’ve been able to submit everything online. (I suppose I had to use the phone to get ETS to send around my GRE scores, but even that was an automated phone system.) Instead of amassing all the documentation and plowing through an application in one sitting, I can fill in bits and pieces, save, and come back to the site later. (There are a lot of bits and pieces.) Some of them have “Check Application” functions which run through and show you areas you’ve missed or incorrectly filled out. The drawback is that this infinite editing capacity allows me to fuss over them endlessly. And this has made some things a struggle, particularly in talking to the program which accepted me. I’ve even had a hard time composing and sending email messages.

I’m not sure what I want to happen. No, that’s not true: I want to have an easy decision, whatever it is. Just one option, or at least a clear difference between a good choice and a bad one. Once the decision is made, I’m confident it’s going to come out well, but that confidence paradoxically makes the decisions harder.

Now Playing: Area 51 from Tellin’ Stories by The Charlatans