Flashes of Panic

This morning I finally received a response from the fifth department I applied to last winter, and it was negative. So, two acceptances and three rejections. It’s a good thing the scoring in this game doesn’t actually work that way.

I mentioned, in an aside a few months ago, that I was an early-decision acceptance as an undergraduate, which means I never went through the whole April ritual of thick and thin envelopes in high school. My high school had an open lunch, so I would drive home sometimes to check the mail, and I did that day; contrary to conventional wisdom, the envelope was thin, because it contained only the acceptance letter and the deposit form to be returned. My father, who had seen only the envelope when he brought the mail inside, thought it was a deferral.

So I didn’t have any experience to work from this time around. I’ve discovered that I’m not really all that bothered by the rejections. (Again, I know that’s not the right word, but what’s the better one?) Maybe this would’ve been harder in high school, when it felt like my entire future, or even if I’d been applying as a graduating college senior, but now it seems like the consequences are so much lower. I’m disappointed, sure. But I’m a long way from being upset, especially since I did get accepted somewhere I’m looking forward to going.

Now Playing: North, South, East And West from Starfish by The Church