Flashes of Panic

I think I’m relatively fortunate in that the two companies I’ve worked for since college have been relatively idealistic companies. My first employer was recognized as a prominent woman-led company and made a few “best places to work” lists while I was there, and was very heavily invested in self-help and “service” publishing, carrying their mission and message to the public. Their magazines accepted no alcohol or tobacco advertising (apparently exceptions are now being made for some alcohol advertising.)

My current employers don’t wear their corporate heart on their sleeve quite so much, but there is a clearly stated focus on doing good work: “The goals continue to be to work with talented and knowledgeable authors, to create books and media that are beautifully designed and produced, and to communicate effectively with each title’s intended audience.”

The first company was in a transition period while I was there, as it began to pass to the third generation of the family and the fierce idealism of the first two generations was moderated. While certain positive parts of the mission were universally embraced (everyone likes a nice place to work, after all,) there was a certain amount of snickering at some of the holdouts from the company’s more fanatical past. They were called, with mixed sympathy and derision, “True Believers.” The term reminded me of Russian history and the Orthodox “Old Believers” who were one of the earliest purges in that litany of national self-abuse. The other implication, in a hipper phrase, was that they “drank the Kool-Aid.”

While I was there, I plowed through a high level of enthusiasm, to a shrugging indifference, to outright cynicism. I don’t think I could’ve been called a True Believer for very long; it was good that I left when I did.

There’s less of a need for True Believers here; we’re more likely to meet our goals simply by hiring the best people we can find, and encouraging to do the best job they can. There’s nothing very ideological about it. But I have been a True Believer, and still am, about some things.

I’ve been a True Believer about my college for years. I don’t see my time there through rose-colored glasses; there were times when I was pretty miserable, and I spent a lot of time stressed, fatigued, sleep-deprived or some combination of the three. I missed a lot of opportunities. But I’ve always felt that the place is/was special somehow, even though I also intellectually recognize that other people have similar feelings about totally different institutions. In a way that’s why I wanted to help with this site; I knew the primary contributor is also a True Believer, and I like that there’s more than one of us.

What’s important is not maintaining ironic detachment, but being able to step back and recognize what it is about the organization that you like, believe in, and want to pour energy into. Maybe it’s not that bad to be a True Believer if that means recognizing the faults—and trying to fix them.

Now Playing: In State from Back to Me by Kathleen Edwards